Of late I have had opportunity to know at a more personal (but not intimate) level, a few new friends who are homosexuals. More specifically, they were gay men.
Should anyone think this is the start of another purgatory against them, let me state outright and quantify myself in stating that I thoroughly enjoyed their company. I spent 3 days on a road trip with them and had very engaging conversations and discussions as well as a whole lot of fun.
I'm not saying that I begin with a sterotypical view of them which changed through the course of a road trip. Rather I've always known that gays make wonderful friends as well...we are after all human beings. As a friend remarked, race or religion...there are only good people and bad people. (I personally think there are more good people on Earth) So whatever their orientation, this would have been a swell bunch to hang out with.
Instead I write this because I want to quantify a part of me that has some strong aversion to them. But I'm starting to think that it may be too strong a word to use on myself. In particular I am more affected by gay men then gay women. Allow me to explain.
I don't think gay men are bad people. It's merely their sexual orientation. As I interacted more with them, I come to think its more of nature as opposed to nurture. I don't think there's a choice about being gay. Maybe to some...but for my new found friends, it doesn't seem that way. Yet I do not deny to feeling a little sickened at displays of affection at one another. It's wierd to see a guy being intimate with another. On the other hand...they may feel the same way about me and my partner in our heterosexual relationship.
Perhaps I am grown on a steady diet of strong machosimo man. Alpha Males who take charge. Masculinity is virtue. Like a lion strutting its mane, or an elephant with its manly tusks. And when I see man acting differently...my world folds inwards upon itself. I can't understand it. And as the history of human beings have shown...what we dun understand...we often fear.
Homophobic? Probably not. Perhaps a fear of what I don't understand. A fear of male impotence and fragility. Of coming to terms with a fellow man who expresses himself in a totally different manner from me.
And yet so many similarities abound between us. That we are all human beings who seek to build healthy relationships with others around us. We share common goals for our career and personal life. We cry when we are sad, shout when we are in pain, laugh when happy and above all else...struggle to live a good life. And as gays...they might even face a tougher struggle of prejudice and acceptance.
Forgive me if I cannot take it when you display your intimacy to your similar gender partners. It still raises the hair on my neck. But know that I gladly accept you as my brother or sister, to stand beside me should the hour cometh.
Oh...and the part about gay women...hee hee...maybe there's some raging male hormone filled fantasy about it. Go figure. HAHAHAHA!
And one question remains to be answered:
What if my son or daughter were to turn out gay one day?
I probably have an answer in mind...but I still think its too hypothetical. I will only know should the day arise.
Good night gentle folks and beautiful people. May the sun shine warm upon your face as it always does to me every morning.