tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87616352024-03-22T03:20:58.104+08:00"eu-neh-neh" or "eu-nee-nee"?Just me and my 5 cents worth...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-73500033876132733582010-08-19T18:26:00.003+08:002010-08-19T18:39:08.311+08:00APAD 5/365: So I'm just that lil' bit excited...Just taking a moment to blog as I sit at a kopitiam in Jalan Besar. By a stroke of luck, an ol' buddy of mine had extra tickets to tonight's YOG soccer game between Singapore and Montenegro.<br /><br />Its pretty obvious as to where my allegiance would lie. COME ON BOYS! ROAR LIONS ROAR! Or should that be cubs? Hahaha.<br /><br />I think its gonna be tough match for our boys. Whilst I havent exactly seen Montenegro play. The europeans do tend to be bigger and fitter. European football, Spain and Portugal aside, is historically tactical, technical and disciplined. Less flair and more robust disciplined action across the field.<br /><br />Our boys? I think they aren't as technically astute nor as fit as the Europeans, nonthelesss, they probably will play their hearts out. Which is more than I can say for some of the recent games I've watched of the Senior Team.<br /><br />The hour cometh and I'm waiting for my buddies to arrive. Gonna try the famous Jalan Besar Sambal Fish and Zhi Char...before kick off at 8pm.<br /><br />Pleasantly surprised to see the YOG Basketball team with their coach sitting in front of me. These boys are tall. Had a short conversation with the tallest one and he mentioned that it was an off day for them so they are here to support the soccer team. Ahh...such joy to be an athlete in these times. (aside from the gruelling training and balancing of books)<br /><br />Anyway....decided to buy them a round of drinks. Glad I managed to catch the kopi uncle's eye and told him that I would pay for their drinks. Its only drinks...but its my small little way of saluting them and honouring their contribution to our country.<br /><br />Enjoy your drinks boys! GO SINGAPORE GO!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-46980129934982922322010-08-18T00:41:00.002+08:002010-08-18T00:54:44.500+08:00APAD 4/365: What could possibly turn me...(APAD 4 is just a bonanza of doing 2 posts in a day. keke...)<br /><br />When I was doing National Service, I learnt to fire a M16 rifle.<br />While it was a fun thing to do, not to mention the enhancement of one's ego at the ability to shoot and kill...a new found fear soon dawned upon me.<br /><br />In my hands lay a weapon by which I could decide a person's life. It was powerful...in a chilling sort of way. So I begin to question if I could actually do it. Could I actually kill another human being? Even in a war...or in an extreme situation of similar nature...could I actually pull the trigger or inflict a mortal wound on another? I dun think I could though...I felt that its like killing a part of your own humanity when u destroy another.<br /><br />But recently a can of worms was opened by a friend who posted about child rapists. It led me to question again. Were my own daughter or son sexually abused by another...would it drive me to kill out of rage and vengence. Surprisingly...I think I could.<br /><br />I think the child rapists or paedophiles are the worst lot. I cannot accept that one would be willing to treat an innocent child in that manner. So if someone should do it to my own child I might conspire to kill the person. Come to think of it...if it happened to my wife...it might trigger a similar level of rage and violence.<br /><br />But I dunno. Perhaps it is too hypothetical. I just know that with the above heinous acts, reason enough can be found within me to destroy another's life. Even if it means I end up in jail.<br /><br />I think some of my friends may disagree with their religious doctrine. Well...do let me know if you think it different. Its just something I thought about.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-84229755257353366402010-08-18T00:10:00.004+08:002010-08-18T00:41:49.617+08:00APAD 3/365: To the beautiful people...Of late I have had opportunity to know at a more personal (but not intimate) level, a few new friends who are homosexuals. More specifically, they were gay men.<br /><br />Should anyone think this is the start of another purgatory against them, let me state outright and quantify myself in stating that I thoroughly enjoyed their company. I spent 3 days on a road trip with them and had very engaging conversations and discussions as well as a whole lot of fun.<br /><br />I'm not saying that I begin with a sterotypical view of them which changed through the course of a road trip. Rather I've always known that gays make wonderful friends as well...we are after all human beings. As a friend remarked, race or religion...there are only good people and bad people. (I personally think there are more good people on Earth) So whatever their orientation, this would have been a swell bunch to hang out with.<br /><br />Instead I write this because I want to quantify a part of me that has some strong aversion to them. But I'm starting to think that it may be too strong a word to use on myself. In particular I am more affected by gay men then gay women. Allow me to explain.<br /><br />I don't think gay men are bad people. It's merely their sexual orientation. As I interacted more with them, I come to think its more of nature as opposed to nurture. I don't think there's a choice about being gay. Maybe to some...but for my new found friends, it doesn't seem that way. Yet I do not deny to feeling a little sickened at displays of affection at one another. It's wierd to see a guy being intimate with another. On the other hand...they may feel the same way about me and my partner in our heterosexual relationship.<br /><br />Perhaps I am grown on a steady diet of strong machosimo man. Alpha Males who take charge. Masculinity is virtue. Like a lion strutting its mane, or an elephant with its manly tusks. And when I see man acting differently...my world folds inwards upon itself. I can't understand it. And as the history of human beings have shown...what we dun understand...we often fear.<br /><br />Homophobic? Probably not. Perhaps a fear of what I don't understand. A fear of male impotence and fragility. Of coming to terms with a fellow man who expresses himself in a totally different manner from me.<br /><br />And yet so many similarities abound between us. That we are all human beings who seek to build healthy relationships with others around us. We share common goals for our career and personal life. We cry when we are sad, shout when we are in pain, laugh when happy and above all else...struggle to live a good life. And as gays...they might even face a tougher struggle of prejudice and acceptance.<br /><br />Forgive me if I cannot take it when you display your intimacy to your similar gender partners. It still raises the hair on my neck. But know that I gladly accept you as my brother or sister, to stand beside me should the hour cometh.<br /><br />Oh...and the part about gay women...hee hee...maybe there's some raging male hormone filled fantasy about it. Go figure. HAHAHAHA!<br /><br />And one question remains to be answered:<br />What if my son or daughter were to turn out gay one day?<br />I probably have an answer in mind...but I still think its too hypothetical. I will only know should the day arise.<br /><br />Good night gentle folks and beautiful people. May the sun shine warm upon your face as it always does to me every morning.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-87296553881823848972010-08-16T02:21:00.002+08:002010-08-16T02:43:57.880+08:00APAD 2/365: This is home truly...where I know I must beRecently a friend remarked to me that he had no loyalties to Singapore. He simply felt that Singapore had done nothing for him and that he owed Singapore no debt. Given a chance he would probably move to another country or should something tumultous occur within this region he would migrate to a separate country.<br /><br />I am not sure if he truly meant what he said. Or could he be influenced by a wave of contemporary feelings amongst his peers? I do not know. What I do know is that as he said these words I felt a chill run down my spine. It made me question the value of loyalty to one's country. I won't even define it as patriotism, which seems to be too strong a word. Just a love or a sense of belonging to one's nation. Is it so hard to cultivate? Why did my friend feel this way?<br /><br />And interestingly enough...why do I feel so strongly for Singapore. What burns in me? Happy and proud to be Singaporean. Why have I felt that my roots are here and that this is where I will build my life. Why do I stand unwavering about my nationality? Why do I feel I am able to stand and defend it if necessary?<br /><br />By the way...same friend above has a cushy job, drives a luxury car and recently bought a luxury condominium unit. Clearly the notion of loyalty to nation has nothing to do with material wealth.<br /><br />But...it is not doom and gloom. I still have friends who clearly state their love for the country. And I secretly thank them for sharing my belief for our tiny nation. It reinforces my views as well. One friend always shares how she hears the song "Home" by Kit Chan everytime her plan approaches the tarmac at Changi Airport. Unabashedly...I hear the same song and others as well. And its not just at the airport. At the ports...at the Causeway...coming home inadvertently makes me hum the tune to some good ol' Singapore songs.<br /><br />Then I also have friends who like to ridicule me if I declare my love so boldy. Which makes me wonder why as well. When is it funny to make fun of someone who cares dearly for his tiny strip of land? Why do you tease me if I say that I am proud to be Singaporean? If you truly do not like this nation...why dun you just leave and find another? If you have so many things against this system and government...pack your bags and find another then. Me? I am happy to work my way with it and around it. I also find ways to critique it and put in my opinions to be heard so that the system can be improved. I have a cause and you have no right to judge me upon it. Then again...I have never been one to care for the jokes and insults of others. So long as my heart bleeds true and continues to bleed the red and white of my flag I have no fear of the small thinking of others. <br /><br />Here I stand then. Declaring my love for this tiny nation. I sing its song with pride. And even though I may have heard the anthem a thousand times over...I still get goosebumps when it is played. My heart swells with its chorus and yes...I know the lyrics to most of the old national day songs. And should the day come, when cause becomes action, I will draw arms to defend what is my land, my home and my country. I have no recourse about it. I just know it.<br /><br />I am Singapore, so it is and so it shall be.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-33771593207293016992010-08-14T01:22:00.003+08:002010-08-14T01:45:15.860+08:00APAD 1/365: Ode to the GAME...(and my grandmother)When it comes to soccer...I gotta admit that my grandmother is pretty good at it.<br />Nothing spectacular...just that I happen to have a grandmother can score goals better than any striker if presented with a glorious opportunity to shoot.<br /><br />Yup. Better than the Van Nistelrooys or the Rooneys or the Torres or the Ronaldos.<br />My grandmother knows how to position herself in the goal area and unleash the most technical of volleys or toe-pokes in order to ensure that the white orb enters into the crevice behind the line.<br /><br />I've lost track of the number of times I have said out loud," Even my grandmother also could have scored!" Therefore...if the Fergusons or the Mourinhos are reading this. They should sign my grandmother. I'd probably price her at 30million pounds.<br /><br />Enjoy the game guys! Its back!<br /><br />PS: SINGTEL...I still hate you. MIO TV sucks. Your remote control is so tiny with miniscule lettering...even I have difficulty looking for the right button to press! Have you not heard of ERGONOMIC designs? I pity my grandmother...even though she is the world's best striker.<br /><br />PSS: You'll never walk alone...(even if I have become jaded)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-52758698390511412122010-08-14T01:03:00.002+08:002010-08-14T01:22:46.932+08:00A post a day...(maybe even two?)<span style="font-family:Verdana;">Revelations, massive waves of thoughts, solutions to problems, moments of inspiration, paths to enlightenment...you get the idea...often come to me in 3 scenerios.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">1. I am in the shower and the water is pouring over my head. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Something about the goblets of cool water as they rush down in waves upon my head and ease the tension of the day or awaken me from my slumber causes a flury of activity to take root in my brain. I have lost count of the number of times that inspiration in the morning has provided me solutions to problems. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">2. Driving on the open road.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Take the PIE or AYE-ECP at 4am in the morning and you'll know what I mean. Wind the windows down and breathe in the crisp early morning air...and ideas just fill my head. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">3. Poo Poo.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">What is commonly known as number 2 or big business in the toilet. Seating on my throne and easing the tension in my colon also helps me think. I also read a lot in the toilet. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Judging by no. 1 and 3...you probably realise where I would spend a lot of money in my home design. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Inspired by a friend who did "A Photo A Day" (APAD)...I had one of my revelations and decided that I shall religiously update my blog. A POST A DAY.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">I mean...why have a blog if you leave it to fester right? So ok...I shall set a task for myself and that is to update this blog RELIGIOUSLY everyday. One post a day...just to see what it would be like. Its kinda like Julia Childs who cooked a receipe a day. (Yes...I watched Julia & Julia and thoroughly enjoyed it)</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">I also say religiously because I'm gonna liken it to saying my bedtime prayers. Except I'm not praying of course. Just rambling about thoughts that come into my head as the day passes. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">I won't write about my day...although I may sometimes. But I prefer writing about little things that seem to come and go in my head. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">I shall start. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-75096794193529815642010-08-12T15:22:00.002+08:002010-08-12T15:29:58.686+08:00On this day...it would have been sixA day to remember what could have been.<br />Thoughts come and thoughts go,<br />Invariably they end up going back to when things were.<br /><br />I never intended it to end this way<br />But it did.<br />Regrets, I've had a few;<br />This would be the biggest.<br /><br />Wishing you well in whatever you do.<br />We'll pass each other someday<br />I wouldnt know you and you wouldnt know me by then.<br /><br />Good bye though memories will linger.<br />They always do.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-10360444002860845602010-07-30T00:28:00.002+08:002010-07-30T00:31:29.881+08:00"I can smell the germs" - A story of no sense or sensibilityEvery once in a while, in the short existence of our meaningful, meaningless or meandering lives, we inadvertently stumble upon certain individuals who stretch the boundaries of common sense and sensibilities. Individuals, who through the narrowness of their minds and their own self-centred universe, cause us to react in disgust, loathing and even pity. For such is the tiny state of your little mind that I pity you for being blind to what is the true beauty of the world we live in.<br /><br />I had the rare occasion of stumbling upon aforesaid individual during the course of my work and it warrants a long blog post about it.<br /><br />Almost a year ago, I was posted to a school specialising in education for autistic children. I was to be there for 4 days to help invigilate the pupils in a nationwide examination. It was an eye-opener for me and an enriching experience providing me with insight into the otherwise reclusive world of autism. It was an incredibly interesting 4 days and I was very happy to have been posted there.<br /><br />The nature of autism is such that the pupils take the examinations in individual rooms. They are separated from each other because in a highly strung situation like the national examinations, some may "act up" in a need to release the tension and stress that builds up in their bodies. When a pupil "acts up", in invariably increases the stress levels of those around him. As a precaution the pupils are allowed to sit for the exams in individual rooms. In my role as the invigilator, I will accompany a teacher and the pupil into the room and ensure that the examinations are conducted in a proper manner. So there are just 3 of us in a classroom. The pupil, an internal invigilator (a teacher) and an external invigilator (me!). It is a non-threatening environment and works well for the pupils. After each paper, the external invigilator returns to the main room to submit the papers and to have a short breather. (You try standing in a room for two hours, looking at the same pupil and nothing else...the break is a welcome relief!)<br /><br /><br />Day 1 of my assignment starts out pretty well. I am in-charge of a young boy and he is proving to be quite humourous to talk to. After the paper, we would spend some time chatting about his life and what he plans to do after the examinations. Something about a birthday celebration and what his folks intend to do. I'm glad I could connect with him and he seems pleased to see me as well. End of the day he even has the courtesy to wish me a good day. I am bemused and secretly wish him all the best for his papers.<br /><br />Day 2 begins with the Chief Examiner giving out our assignments to us. For the sake of familiarity, we are likely assigned to the same candidate on the second day as well. The Chief begins calling our names and telling us which pupil we are assigned to. Suddenly, a commotion draws my attention to a lady talking animatedly to the Chief Examiner. I shall try to recreate the conversation below.<br /><br />(names are kinda changed to protect identities...but I so wish I could say who she was and which well known primary school she taught in Ang Mo Kio!)<br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#33ff33;">Chief Examiner (CE) : Ok, Flo, same as yesterday, you will be invigilating Pupil A.<br /><br />Lady : *eyes widen* Pupil A again! No! He's very sick you know! I think he has the flu and he keeps wiping his nose. Yesterday I invigilated him and it's so bad I can smell the germs in the room! Very bad leh! He is very sick!<br /><br />CE : *in comforting tone* Oh...don't worry. We have isolated him and we are checking his temperature now. He will be taking the examination away from the main population and he will be wearing a mask. Both invigilators will also be required to wear a mask.<br /><br />Lady : *reacts in paranoia* No...No...No! He is really sick. HE IS SO SICK I CAN SMELL THE GERMS YOU KNOW! Can you change me? I don't wish to invigilate him.<br /><br />CE : *gives in, does not want a scene* Errr...ok la. We see if anyone can replace you ah.<br />*addresses the room* Ok, invigilators...anyone wishes to change with Flo?<br /><br /></span>At this point in time, I am seated on a chair nearby and I am shocked beyond words. Flabbergasted...utterly disgusted by this lady's behaviour. I am revolted by the scene happening in front of me.<br /><br />Is it not bad enough that a child with autism lives with prejudice and labels his entire life?<br /><br />Is it not bad enough that a child with autism has to deal with the nature of his condition?<br /><br />Is it not bad enough that a child with autism has to deal with how the public perceives him?<br /><br />Is it not bad enough that a child, autistic or not, is sick?<br /><br />Is it not bad enough that a child, autistic or not, is in a highly stressed situation of completing a national examination?<br /><br />IS IT NOT BAD ENOUGH YOU BLOODY BITCH!!!!!<br /><br />Every child has feelings. And most certainly he or she can tell when you despise or do not wish to be close to him or her.<br /><br />And here...we have a teacher. A PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER!<br /><br />She is afraid of him...because he is sick? She can SMELL THE GERMS IN THE ROOM!?!?!?<br /><br />Here's the scene as it appeared in my imagination...<br /><br />*Eugene walks over to the teacher and SMACKS her HARD on the HEAD. Then Eugene delivers a string of profanities and vulgarities in her direction to show how much he loathes and hates her. Takes over her duty and says in her face...<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">"YOU NARROW MINDED BITCH! YOU CALL YOURSELF A TEACHER! EVERY CHILD HAS GERMS YOU COCK! SICK OR NOT...THIS IS A CHILD AND YOU HAVE NO BLOODY RIGHT TO DESPISE HIM MERELY BECAUSE HE IS SICK!"*</span><br /><br />Now...that was my imagination...I didn't want to create a scene. So I merely told the Chief Examiner that I would swap with the teacher. The look on the CE's face was priceless. And seriously...I wasn't bothered if the child was sick. He deserved a shot at the examinations regardless of condition. And no child should go through what he did yesterday - having to take a paper and sensing that the invigilator shuns you.<br /><br />Looking back. I wish I had exploded and taught Flo a lesson. I was sooooo angry.<br /><br />At the end of everything I found out that Pupil A merely had the sniffles. A common cold. Everybody gets it once in a while. And while doing the exams with a mask I noticed he had to remove it every few minutes to wipe his nose. It was bothering him. Immediately I asked the internal invigilator if she minded that Pupil A be allowed to remove the mask. The internal invigilator was glad to hear it from me. So with clearance from the CE, we got pupil A to remove his mask to continue his examination in peace. As a precaution, both the Internal Invigilator and I had to stay masked though.<br /><br />The Internal Invigilator was very thankful to me. She even mentioned how paranoid the previous invigilator (Flo). This made me seethe in anger again. I could feel my blood boil.<br /><br />But deep inside I was glad I did what I could for this child and made him more comfortable.<br /><br />End of the day, the child could complete his paper in peace and both me and the internal invigilator were none the worse for it. So the rest of the days invigilating passed by without incident...and it seems that we could all do our jobs and go home happily.<br /><br />So I figured...just didn't realise that I had to contend with you-know-who...<br /><br />Here's what happened...<br /><br />LAST DAY OF INVIGILATION...we are done for the week, eagerly waiting in the room as the scripts are checked and counted to make sure that all submissions are completed. I am seated at the corner of a table where the Chief Examiner is busy with counting and admin. Flo is seated two chairs away from me on the same table. I tell myself I will leave in disgust if she moves near me. Suddenly there is movement, a door opens and the Vice-Principal of the school steps into the room. The room lightens up. Her appearance signifies that all is well and almost all checks is complete. Flo begins chatting with VP. Here is an account of what happen. (will try to be accurate...yes...it still sticks in my mind)<br /><br /><span style="color:#33ff33;">Flo: Ms VP (name protected)...have you been in this school long?<br /><br />VP: Oh couple of years.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#33ff33;">Flo: Oh...so are you under Ministry of Education?<br /><br />VP: Oh yah, now I am. I was actually a succesful business woman and I started by volunteering at this school. Then couple of years ago, they decided that I was suitable to be a VP and approached me for the role. So I reviewed my life and decided to earn a little less money but do something more meaningful. That's how I became a VP here. *smile*<br /><br />Flo: Wow, you are a great woman. You must be a CHRISTIAN right? (Flo has a necklace with a cross...so go figure)<br /><br />VP: *smiles and declines to answer...goes about her tasks*<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Eugene : OH MAN! *point at Flo* You ignorant fool! What kind of a comment is that?<br />*string of unpublishable profanities directed at Flo*<br />Are you implying that it is only the CHRISTIANS who know how to be magnaminous and generous and kind? What about my mother? She does kind deeds all the time and she's Buddhist? What about my best friend? He's a Muslim and he's a gentle soul.<br />WHAT ABOUT YOU? I know you are Christian.<br />DID JESUS CHRIST TEACH YOU TO SHUN POOR AUSTISTIC BOYS SIMPLY BECAUSE HE HAS A COLD? JESUS WALKED AMONG THE LEPERS AND THE BLIND! What did you DO as a christian?! Ask yourself that you BITCH! *frothing in anger*</span><br /></span><br />Ok...that didn't happen. I wished it did. But somehow I held my tongue. I dunno why. Maybe its cause I dun have the courage to do it. Or maybe its because I always remind myself to stay happy and that the world is too beautiful to let the little things or the little people hurt you.<br /><br />Whatever the case...I will always remember this incident.<br /><br />It reminds me that I made a difference in a young boy's life, no matter how fleeting the moment.<br />It reminds me that life is beautiful and there are beautiful people.<br /><br />It reminds me that some people are just not worth it. Leave them be.<br /><br />It reminds me that sometimes....I should pluck the courage to tell idiots off.<br /><br />Thank you for reading. It was great sharing this.<br /><br />Be well and stay healthy and happy everyone. Tomorrow is always a better day. =)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-60369309705638648302010-03-02T11:25:00.003+08:002010-03-02T11:31:40.230+08:00Helping HaitiAn old favourite tune of mine re-done for the Haiti survivors.<br />Poignant lyrics.<br /><br /><object width="580" height="360"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xgsh7u7upeA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xgsh7u7upeA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="580" height="360"></embed></object><br /><br />When your day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,<br />When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on<br />Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries n everybody hurts sometimes<br /><br />Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along<br />When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)<br />If you feel like letting go, (hold on)<br />If you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on<br /><br />'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends<br />Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand<br />If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone<br /><br />If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,<br />When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on<br /><br />Well, everybody hurts sometimes,<br />Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes<br />And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on<br />Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on<br />Everybody hurts. You are not aloneUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-68334117213469640372010-01-17T13:39:00.002+08:002010-01-17T13:52:29.368+08:00INVICTUSMan spends 27 years in a political prison. Most times in isolation in a tiny bare cell.<br />At times having to toil under the hot sun doing menial labour designed to break not only your back but your soul.<br /><br />Man not only survives this ordeal but when he eventuallybecomes the leader of his country, he chooses not to persecute his former oppressors. Instead he chooses a policy of forgiveness and reconciliation.<br /><br />Truly remarkable. And you start wondering how did he ever survive those 27 long years.<br />In those same 27 years, I would have grown from a baby to a child, gone to school and finished university and started a career, maybe a family. But this man spent it in jail.<br />It boggles the mind just thinking about how this man maintains his sanity and soul.<br /><br />The man simply says that it was a few words from a poem that kept him going. He had memerised it and recited it over and over again. I applaud this man and the greatness that has come to define him. And so here I share the poem which kept him going through adversity.<br /><br /><strong><u>Invictus</u></strong><br />Out of the night that covers me,<br />Black as the pit from pole to pole,<br />I thank whatever gods may be<br />For my unconquerable soul.<br /><br />In the fell clutch of circumstance<br />I have not winced nor cried aloud.<br />Under the bludgeonings of chance<br />My head is bloody, but unbowed.<br /><br />Beyond this place of wrath and tears<br />looms but the horror of the shade,<br />And yet the menace of the years<br />Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.<br /><br />It matters not how strait the gate,<br />How charged with punishments the scroll.<br />I am the master of my Fate;<br />I am the captain of my soul. <br /><br />~William Ernest Henley<br /><br />The man was Nelson Mandela and I am moved by the poem he has introduced into my life.<br />May this poem also inspire my friends who read this, especially through the rough patches.<br /><br />Be the captain of your soul and bow not your head, even though it is bloody.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-5985023809965092802009-12-22T03:53:00.002+08:002009-12-22T04:01:44.549+08:00Got rid of the damn Ads...Did some internet research and realised it was my chatbox which was causing them irritating ads to keep popping out. <br /><br />This is the way I like my blog. Clean and crisp...so you and I can just focus on my ramblings. <br /><br />5 cents worth. (it's been a while)<br /><br />Apologies that its been so dreary and depressing in 2009. But that's how it has been for me. Life has reached a major crossroads. Like a juncture ripping through the fabric of my existence. Everything has changed or is about to change. I stand at the cusp of a new adventure. At the edge of a precipice. <br /><br />And I do not know what is at the bottom or if I will survive the fall. Or perhaps it is a flight that I am headed for. <br /><br />I once told a friend many, many years ago...and now I repeat to myself.<br /><br />"Just jump. One never knows until one has jumped."<br /><br />Over the edge I will go. <br /><br />I am scared shitless but I know it has to be done. <br /><br />Pray for me. <br /><br />I do. =)<br /><br />PS: In case you misread this entry, these are not SUICIDAL thoughts. They are the workings of a little voice I have all these years. Where most people see career switch and life changes. I see myself on the edge of a cliff, staring adventure in the face. Its a metaphor. =)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-68368099348757355892009-12-22T03:07:00.005+08:002009-12-22T03:31:26.564+08:00O FortunaThis composition is nothing new...in fact its quite often heard in the movies or on TV. Usually has to do with some dramatic warrior sequence or some epic battle.<br /><br />The thing about it is... all my life...up to this point when I am 29 going on 30...I never knew what it was called! Everytime I hear it...I feel this stirring in my heart. Its really quite an inspired composition. Gets you in the mood. Like you could join the Roman army or stand with the Elves in Lord of the Rings...<br /><br />You have to hear it to understand...and you'd probably go..."oooooh...chey"<br /><br />So here's "O Fortuna" and its translation.<br />(There's another one called "Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner. But I think this one here...is the really bad ass one.)<br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hrML6s1wNHk&hl=" width="480" height="385" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" fs="1&" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed><br /><br />O Fortune,<br />like the moon<br />you are changeable,<br />ever waxing<br />and waning;<br />hateful life<br />first oppresses<br />and then soothes<br />as fancy takes it;<br />poverty<br />and power<br />it melts them like ice.<br />Fate – monstrous<br />and empty,<br />you whirling wheel,<br />you are malevolent,<br />well-being is vain<br />and always fades to nothing,<br />shadowed<br />and veiled<br />you plague me too;<br />now through the game<br />I bring my bare back<br />to your villainy.<br />Fate is against me<br />in health<br />and virtue,<br />driven on<br />and weighted down,<br />always enslaved.<br />So at this hour<br />without delay<br />pluck the vibrating strings;<br />since Fate<br />strikes down the string man,<br />everyone weep with me!<br /><br /><br />Now...allow me and the wonders of Youtube to illustrate what I mean.<br />I loved the comic "300" and subsequently the movie too. For those of you who dished it as pop-corn fodder...yea it is.<br />But it was never meant to be anything else! Its not historically correct...its not supposed to be!<br />Its just suppose to be a good yarn...something you hear over a campfire. And Frank Miller(the writer) was merely inspired by the storytellers of old who would carry such tales of bravery and valour from generation to generation.<br />And to really understand the scope and scale of it...one has to read the coffee table comic. It is an incredible work of art and a damn good tale.<br />Here it is...a trailer of 300 set to O Fortuna. Some fella did a really good job for a music video competition. Watch it...and turn the volume up!<br />Enjoy.<br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bdxzGfFbDao&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bdxzGfFbDao&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-86461331893657765252009-11-15T01:01:00.002+08:002009-11-15T01:09:22.164+08:00Saturday Night - SuedeSorry. Meloncholy continues.<br />This song...remains a classic to me.<br />Good for them days...<br /><br /><object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bC22Y5t_iwc&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bC22Y5t_iwc&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-24123858345142547022009-11-15T00:50:00.002+08:002009-11-15T01:00:05.671+08:00For those blue meloncholic days...Meloncholy,<br />Dark brooding meloncholy.<br /><br />Fragmented images<br />And haunted memories<br /><br />This song loops in my head,<br />A gentle tune with searing lyrics.<br /><br /><object height="364" width="445"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CWY7z-A50RQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CWY7z-A50RQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object><br /><br /><u>As Tears Go By (Rolling Stones)</u><br />It is the evening of the day,<br />I sit and watch the children play.<br />Smiling faces I can see, but not for me,<br />I sit and watch as tears go by.<br /><br />My riches can't buy ev'rything,<br />I want to hear the children sing.<br />All I hear is the sound of rain falling on the ground,<br />I sit and watch as tears go by.<br /><br />It is the evening of the day,<br />I sit and watch the children play.<br />Doin' things I used to do they think are new.<br />I sit and watch as tears go by.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-2744058335107550162009-10-13T12:31:00.002+08:002009-10-13T12:40:46.554+08:00To the muppets, sesame street and Jim HensonFor some srange obscure reason...I've been hearing rainbow songs looping in my head.<br />And that often leads to Kermit the Frog's rendition of "Rainbow Connection"<br /><br />Invariably it leads me to remember Jim Henson, the Muppets and Sesame Street.<br /><br />Its pretty amazing how a bunch of puppets can make me feel happy. But they did.<br />They intrigued me and made me want to know more about them.<br /><br />I never really had a favourite...but I guess their various personalities kinda formed a part of my consciousness. And they taught me values such as love and respect for one another. They taught me that it was ok to make mistakes and that one had to apologise and be responsible. They taught me also to forgive when others make mistakes. And that the world would be a much better place if we learnt to forgive.<br /><br />They showed me that friends would love each other, no matter what size or difference there was. They showed me that we all have different qualities which you can learn to admire. Some are better in music and others are good in acting, some are good at cooking while others are just made to count. Some may look dirty and ugly and live in garbage cans...but as long as their heart is pure and gold...then the world will always be a better place.<br /><br />These puppets showed me that the world is beautiful. I will always see it that way.<br /><br />And all it takes sometimes...is for just one person to believe in you.<br />Thank you Jim Henson...for making me believe. And for showing me that I can also believe in others.<br /><br />Listen to this song. It is one of my favourite. A little unknown song that means a lot to me...<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FLnyK7DG0CA&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FLnyK7DG0CA&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-86340699777737684832009-10-13T10:09:00.003+08:002009-10-13T10:12:07.470+08:00Something warm, fuzzy and happyI've gotta stop with the sad and emo videos.<br /><br />Here's a song that always draws a smile to my face.<br />Originally covered by a big hawaiian dude called Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole...<br /><br />And now beautifully done by this young singer.<br /><br />Enjoy...<br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Awgc22dI_sY&hl=" fs="1&" width="425" height="344" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-7406390662158321982009-10-06T17:44:00.003+08:002009-10-06T17:48:24.412+08:00Songs for the mood.There are songs that just befit the mood of the moment. <div><br /></div><div>Putting things down in words will lead to just a meandering train of thought that ultimately has no meaning in the end. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've let a person down lately. Now I fear what I am and what I can do to others.</div><div><br /></div><div>And so there are songs that jus make sense for the moment. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><br /><br /><object width="580" height="360"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Nu1NDepxkK8&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Nu1NDepxkK8&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="580" height="360"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-3378877184528575682009-10-05T11:41:00.002+08:002009-10-05T11:47:16.448+08:00Goodnight Goodnight. (Maroon 5)You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together<br />I've lick my wounds but I can't ever see them getting better<br />Something's gotta change<br />Things cannot stay the same<br /><br />Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger<br />Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior<br />Something's gotta change<br />It must be rearranged, oh<br /><br />I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl<br />It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world<br />So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight<br />Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight<br />Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah<br />Whoa<br /><br />The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember<br />The way it feels to be alive<br />The day that he first met her<br />Something’s gotta change<br />Things cannot stay the same<br /><br />You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can't place her<br />I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her<br />Something's gotta change<br />It must be rearranged, oh<br /><br />I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl<br />It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world<br />So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight<br />Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight<br />Goodnight, hope that things work out all right<br /><br />So much to love<br />So much to learn<br />But I won't be there to teach you, oh<br />I know I can be close<br />But I try my best to reach you<br /><br />I'm so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl<br />It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world<br />So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight<br />Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight<br />Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight<br />Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah<br />Whoa, oh…<br />YeahUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-48109990656048496952009-08-30T00:35:00.006+08:002009-10-06T17:33:55.490+08:00Already Gone.It's over. Really over. Nothing I can do.<br />I could. But something snapped. We tried. I tried. But it wasn't enough.<br />It will never be enough. Something's gotta give.<br />Somehow...I know...there will that someone who will understand you the way I never did.<br /><br />Something's I wish I could say to you. But knowing it will hurt, I'll just leave it here.<br />Maybe you'll see it in time. Or maybe not.<br /><br />The things I hold dear and fondly...are the simplest.<br />That goofy grin.<br />That last bit of soup I'd save for you to slurp up.<br />The sight of you finding chocs and little tidbits to satisfy your cravings.<br />Helping to scratch my back.<br /><br />And when the tears started rolling...I knew it was enough. I won't stand to see anymore.<br />I will be there for you if you need me. But we will never be.<br /><br />Good night. Good bye. Time to move on.<br /><br /><br /><object width="580" height="360"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Fxs3K9bSJl0&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Fxs3K9bSJl0&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="580" height="360"></embed></object><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline;">Already Gone</span></b></span><div><span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline;"></span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></b><span style="font-size:85%;">Remember all the things we wanted</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Now all our memories they're haunted</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">We were always meant to say goodbye</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Even with our fists held high</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">It never would've worked out right</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">We were never meant for do or die</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I didn't want us to burn out</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I want you to know that it doesn't matter</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Where we take this road someone's gotta go</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">But I want you to move on so I'm already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Looking at you makes it harder</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">But I know that you'll find another</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">That doesn't always make you want to cry</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Perfect couldn't keep this love alive</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">You know that I love you so, </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I love you enough to let you go</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I want you to know that it doesn't matter</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Where we take this road someone's gotta go</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">But I want you to move on so I'm already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm already gone, already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm already gone, already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">There's no moving on so I'm already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Already gone, already gone, already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Remember all the things we wanted</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Now all our memories they're haunted</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">We were always meant to say goodbye</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I want you to know that it doesn't matter</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Where we take this road someone's gotta go</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">But I want you to move on so I'm already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm already gone, already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm already gone, already gone</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">There's no moving on so I'm already gone<br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-55934110745249810422009-07-27T11:37:00.001+08:002009-07-27T11:42:27.708+08:00Stuck in reverse.<p><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/skUJ-B6oVDQ&hl=" fs="1&" width="425" height="344" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed><br /></p><p>When you try your best but you don't succeed </p><p>When you get what you want but not what you need </p><p>When you feel so tired but you can't sleep </p><p>Stuck in reverse </p><p>And the tears come streaming down your face </p><p>When you lose something you cannot replace </p><p>When you love someone but it goes to waste </p><p>COULD IT BE WORSE?</p><p>Lights will guide you home </p><p>And ignite your bones </p><p>And I will try to fix you </p><p>And high up above or down below </p><p>When you're too in love to let it go </p><p>But if you never try you'll never know </p><p>Just what you're worth </p><p>Lights will guide you home </p><p>And ignite your bones </p><p>And I will try to fix you </p><p>Tears stream down your face </p><p>When you lose something you cannot replace </p><p>Tears stream down your face </p><p>And I </p><p>Tears stream down your face </p><p>I promise you I will learn from my mistakes </p><p>Tears stream down your face </p><p>And I </p><p>Lights will guide you home </p><p>And ignite your bones </p><p>And I will try to fix you<br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-42582619201885475772009-07-27T11:17:00.002+08:002009-07-27T11:32:23.623+08:00The world has changed once again.<p><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r9RINFL3aFo&hl=" width="425" height="344" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" fs="1&"></embed></p><p>The first time I heard this song...I was probably 15.<br />14 years later...the full meaning of its lyrics finally resonate in me. </p><p>My world imploded recently and I'm a little lost.</p><p>It's gonna be long while till I am back again. It is the single worst feeling ever. And I wish there was something I could do about it. But I can't. And it is beyond me now. </p><p>You say, I only hear what I want to</p><p>And you say, I talk so all the time, so</p><p>And I thought what I felt was simple</p><p>And I thought that I don't belong</p><p>And now that I am leavin'</p><p>Now I know that I did somethin' wrong'</p><p>Cause I missed you</p><p>Yeah yeah, I missed you</p><p>And you say, I only hear what I want to</p><p>I don't listen hard, don't pay attention</p><p>To the distance that you're running</p><p>To anyone, anywhere</p><p>I don't understand if you really care</p><p>I'm only hearing negative, no no no, bad</p><p>So I, I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up</p><p>And this woman was singin' my song</p><p>Lover's in love and the other's run away</p><p>Lover is cryin', 'cause the other won't stay</p><p>Some of us hover when we weepin' for the other</p><p>Who was dying since the day they were born, well</p><p>Well, this is not that I think that I'm throwing</p><p>But I'm thrown</p><p>And I thought I'd live forever</p><p>But now I'm not so sureYou try to tell me that I'm clever</p><p>But that won't take me anyhow</p><p>Or anywhere with you</p><p>And you said that I was naive</p><p>And I thought that I was stronger</p><p>I thought, hey I can leave, I can leave</p><p>Oh but now I know that I was wrong</p><p>'Cause I missed you</p><p>Yeah, I missed you</p><p>You said, "You caught me</p><p>'Cause you want me"</p><p>One day you'll let me go</p><p>You try to give away a keeper</p><p>Or keep me 'cause you know</p><p>You're just so scared to lose</p><p>And you say, "Stay"</p><p>And you say, I only hear what I want to</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-16145564514382473512008-12-16T01:07:00.005+08:002008-12-16T03:32:11.484+08:00Death and passingDeath is for the old, the wrinkled and the gnarly.<br /><br />When you've lived past 75, I think one has lived enough.<br /><br />Or perhaps its past the milestones where one has lived to be married, to have had children, to have seen them grow, to have watched them as they drift away and then come back; to complete the cycle with grandchildren and then to lay down and gasp your last breath.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is my great grandmother as she lay in a coffin. As a child no more than 5, I felt guilty thinking I had shortened her life when I made her angry. I know better now. Still, there are times I missed the little thumps my tiny fist made when I pounded her back whenever she asked me to massage her. And giggling with my cousin at her gross burps. By some obscure and unexplainable child's intuition, I knew she loved me deeply.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is my grandfather as he lay wasted from stroke and infection from a gangrenous infection. When he became half the man he was, literally as his left side lay limp and figuratively as he seem to give up the fight then. He loved me dearly because I could carry his name and I shunned him when he gave up the fight. A part of me grew frightened by what had become of him and another grew revolted that he gave up. I didn't visit him nor see him for over 3 years. I didn't want to see what disease could do to a man in health and in spirit. It all but squashed the tiny voice who so often asked that I empathised and tried to understand the suffering he went through. If I had gone as my father did in those 3 years to see him, would I have brought him more light? My father did his duty and I didn't. It will haunt me for this lifetime. Because when it finally mattered, I was at McDonalds when I could have gone to his bedside earlier. It is my reminder that death does not keep time.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is my granduncle as I held his hand and watch the last of his wheezing gasps...waiting for the inevitable. From the hale and the hearty to the skeletal being on a thin mattress. Counting the breaths now...how many more can he draw? Dignity restored as he lay in his home and not in some cold hospital bed. Thanks for the memories; of you sweeping the tables clean in CNY Blackjack or working tirelessly at your goreng pisang stall deftly slicing the bananas and sweet potatoes, dipping them in flour and drying them to their crisp golden hues.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is not the 16 yr old girl who collapsed suddenly on the track in VJC because of a brain aneurysm.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is not the bright, cheerful dude who rode my bicycle and then flew over the drunk driver's maroon honda civic.<br /><br /><br /><br />Nor is death the ex-VS TAF club soccer mate who rode his African Twin round the corner for the last time.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is not the friend who plunge into darkness and over the parapet of her HDB flat.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is not she with the radiant smile and the newlywed glow whose light was so cruelly snuffed by a most disturbing twist of events.<br /><br /><br /><br />Death is not me. Not yet. Not when the taxi moved suddenly at the traffic junction and into the path of my oncoming car. Surreal...I could see and feel the impact even before it happened. Heart pounding as I pushed the brakes as far as I could. Faint throbbing as the ABS kicked in...allowing my car to turn at the last minute without skidding. Inches apart from the white merc cab in front. Heart pounding. Guilty for turning the car to the right and placing her in harm's way but that seemed the best course because to the left was a kerb and an embankment. Or was it a reflex to move myself away from danger? Guilt-torn. Heart pounding. It sounds like wardrums in my ears. I know my blood is racing. I want to get down and beat the driver and lash out at him. But I am frozen. The drums beat on in my ears. Still frozen. I am very scared. She is surprisingly calm. Never ceases to amaze me how calm she can be sometimes. We drive on. Shaken but alive. Thank you.<br /><br /><br /><br />By my own admission, I have led the charmed life. I was bubbly and happy, good-natured and cheerful, crazy and loving life. I lived in a bubble that only the old passed away and the young lived to be old. I have had healthy relatives and friends. Death never came to the young around me. Death's gentle scarring only begin when I was 17 and in JC.<br /><br /><br /><br />In JC, I learnt that some of my friends don't have two living parents like me. It humiliated and humbled me, that I had been to proud and arrogant to look closely at others around me.<br /><br />Still in JC, death lashed out and stung me when a younger school mate was taken so swiftly. It made me question my mortality. Death felt very cold then.<br /><br /><br /><br />In the 2nd year of NS I lost my grandfather. He lived past 75. Death felt like a release for him, for us, for me.<br /><br /><br /><br />In university, an ex-VS soccer buddy didn't survive riding around a bend when a taxi came. Then a new found cycling friend, by a strange but compelling sequence of events, never did cycle back to the BBQ we planned that day. And most incomprehensible of all, the sweet-gentle project mate, months from graduation who felt the means to an end meant going over. What darkness ravaged her mind, we never knew.<br /><br /><br /><br />Of late, just 2 weeks prior - the surreal and shocking passing of an ex-schoolmate in a brutal and senseless wave of terror. To have seen and spoken to her just a month ago, knowing she is happily married and successful in her career, only makes everything seem so crazy, unjust, cruel and jars every fibre of my being.<br /><br /><br /><br />Of late, I spend some minutes perusing the orbituaries. I don't know what I am looking for actually. I only catch myself after I have started perusing. It's one of those activities you used to look at your parents do and wonder why they do such a morbid thing as to stare at dead people's photographs. I chuckle when I do it...but I also face a certain dread. Hoping it is not a face I will recognise.<br /><br /><br /><br />With each passing death I encounter, I feel more scarred. Each one seems to weigh my heart down a little longer. And as I look back and what could have happened just tonight, when the merc cab suddenly came into my path. It makes me wonder...<br /><br /><br /><br />"What would it be like at my passing?"<br /><br /><br /><br />Here goes...<br /><br />1. My organs - take them ALL. Save for the faulty heart. keke...it murmurs. Dun leave the corneas especially...I dun need them anymore. Just dress me in a nice suit or tux. (much as I love my tees and berms...I wanna go in style)<br /><br />2. Mahjong - there better be 3 tables and more!<br /><br />3. Food - its gotta have the best curry chicken served with prata. best cheng tng. roast pork and suckling pig if budget permits. jus get all the damn good food. Everybody should eat well.<br /><br />4. Most importantly CELEBRATE!<br /><br />- remember me for my life...and not for my passing. Make noise! Drink and be merry!<br /><br />(Yes...beer and alcohol should be served...if budget permits. Please dun drink and drive though.)<br /><br />- Don't come in black. Come dressed to party, to revel.<br /><br />- Must play music. No slow slow stuff. Rock and upbeat Jazz.<br /><br />5. And when they finally cremate...must have some indie rock song or slow rock song playing. U2, Coldplay, Travis, Train, Killers, Jets, Maroon 5, Radiohead, REM...etc etc. (Please avoid bubblegum pop like Britney or boybands) Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance...tolerable.<br /><br />6. Scatter the ashes to sea.<br /><br />Somewhere where there is only blue water and clear horizons. It is too claustrophoic in an urn. I want to feel the vastness of space at sea, the warm glow of the setting sun or the majestic nature of its early rise...the kind of feeling you get when you spend idyllic days staring out to sea. I want to be under rolling clouds that change hues and let the waves carry me to places I've never seen.<br /><br /><br /><br />My experience with death is obviously not complete and the last page should be quite an interesting read. A friend recently told me about his friend who was in a coma after a traffic accident. As he lay comatose in bed, he remembered seeing a black figure who asked him,"Do you want to come with me?" and he replied,"NO". I wonder if such a moment will ever come to me and if I would have the guts and the audacity to stave death.<br /><br /><br /><br />"Do not go gentle into that good night.<br /><br />Rage, rage against the dying of the light."<br /><br />- Dylan ThomasUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-40656881478842274952008-01-13T18:26:00.000+08:002008-01-13T20:13:31.889+08:00United Colours of SingaporeI have no intention of disrespecting or infringing upon copyrights, so I will just state from the offset that the title of this posting is a clear plagiarizing of the popular UK brand "United Colours of Benetton".<br /><br />So the reason for this was that a popular image from one of UCB's old advertisements sprang to my mind this weekend. I was invited to the Youth Olympic Games Seminar held at Suntec on Saturday, 12th January. Along with 8 upper primary students and the principal, we spent the morning listening to how Singapore was making their bid for the YOG and how if we succeeded in the bid, our schools could benefit from the exchange of youths. As usual...a lot of "hoo ha" and money (3 SUNTEC convention halls and refreshments for everyone!) spent to inform the masses how great the event will be...kinda becoming the Singapore norm of things.<br /><br />On a critical front, I just like the part where they stated outright that "Olympic Education" is going to be part of the syllabus in the future. Basically it's a key idea that it's not enough to just be the best in something or to borrow the olympic motto "Citius, Altius, Fortius" (swifter, higher, stronger). So while beating your opponent seems the more obvious goal, I think the true meaning of olympism is in the sportsmanship, the triumph of human spirit, the transcendence of differences and to extol the best in humanity*.<br /><br />* Btw..."Celebrate Humanity" was the creed of the Sydney 2000 olympics. You can find the website at <a href="http://multimedia.olympic.org/pdf/en_report_252.pdf">http:</a><a href="http://multimedia.olympic.org/pdf/en_report_252.pdf">//multimedia.olympic.org/pdf/en_report_252.pdf</a> . Its a good read.<br /><br />Watch the video (about 6min) below as well...truly inspirational. Watch till the end for "Adversary"<br /><br /><br /><object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dbG4cGsfB6o&rel=1"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dbG4cGsfB6o&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />You are my adversary, but you are not my enemy.<br />For your resistance gives me strength.<br />Your will gives me courage.<br />Your spirit ennobles me.<br />And though I aim to defeat you, should I succeed, I will not humiliate you.<br />Instead, I will honour you.<br />For without you, I am a lesser man.<br />— “Opponent”, from Celebrate Humanity<br /><br />That's olympism for you. I guess we have been teaching our kids about it for a while now...just didn't label it and say it was Olympic Education. but now that its somewhat formalised...I'm happy we are taking these steps.<br /><br />Not to say that everything is good. The inevitable commercialism of both sports and the atheletes by branding and media is something we could avoid. Too often we hear of atheletes (esp footballers!) who make moves or turn away their loyalty in order to secure a better paycheck. The issue of Singapore hiring foreign talents, making them our citizens in orde to take part successfully in international competitions is highly debatable and would probably warrant anotherpost. Some othe stuff we could avoid are the drug scandals or the allegations of dubious judging.<br /><br />All in all...olympic education and olympism is still a good aspect of education. Come on...dun be too skeptical alright? Let's stay focussed on the positive...ya?<br /><br />Ohmygosh! I digress too much...back to the original point about United Colours of Singapore.<br /><br />So basically I got to see many students from the other Primarys, Secondarys and JCs. I was pleasantly surprised at the cultural mix we have nowadays. Seated next to me was an Australian, a few rows behind, there was clearly a girl of African descent (judging by the complexion and dreadlocks)... all around I could see in the kaleidoscope of Singaporean faces, features that were clearly not Singaporean. And then I was reminded of that United Colours of Benetton ad...<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lBU3OGXemAg/R4n2t_cYSuI/AAAAAAAAAKs/d397Qb-Z8g8/s1600-h/benetton.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154922518487255778" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lBU3OGXemAg/R4n2t_cYSuI/AAAAAAAAAKs/d397Qb-Z8g8/s400/benetton.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />I think you know what I mean.<br /><br />The thing was...I felt really happy about it! I like the fact that we are welcoming these people to our lands. We are after all...a land of migrants...except for the descendents of the tiny fishing village that Raffles came upon. By and large...we came from China, India, Indonesia...etc etc. There is Portugese and Dutch influence in the Eurasian community.<br /><br />So I was happy that these students and their families have decided to settle here. I hope that Singapore will become their permanent home.<br /><br />I just believe that the hodge-podge, "rojak" nature of our culture should be celebrated. It's great that our children can learn to appreciate so many cultures here in Singapore. In my school... we have Bulgarians, Koreans, Mongolians, Filipinos, PRCs, Taiwanese, Indonesians, Malaysians, Thais, Vietnamese and we recently added a Canadian girl.*<br /><br />* not coping too well at the moment because things are more structured here than in Canada<br /><br />So looking at these kids...I was happy that we could come together as one. That Singapore is really turning out to be a global city. Whether it was push or pull factors that drew their parents here...I shan't bother. I was just happy and excited at the possibilities our little garden city could become. In a world that's grown increasingly smaller because of globalisation and yet increasingly colder. Its always nice to see little pockets of positive change happening.<br /><br />The skeptic and depressed critic in me would probably say that more cultures in Singapore doesn't necessary mean that they would mix well together. After all...the government does go a long way to making sure that racism will not thrive here. Recent reports however do suggest that segregations of groups do occur as well. Eg...the case of Indians from India being haughty to our local indian lads. (A case of my curry is more spicy than your curry...perhaps) Raffles town plan is a brilliant case study of how Singaporeans were first divided based on communities.<br />I suppose it is only natural that migrant communities want a sense of belonging wherever they uproot to.<br /><br /><br />There is also a clear struggle for identity here in Singapore. A young nation of migrants just cannot make up its mind on what we are really. Have you seen the latest national costumes paraded by our ladies in Ms Universe/World/LalaLand? Frankly we don't have one. It just changes year on year according to whoever designs them. And it is usually a mish-mash of chinese fabric/design with malay design/fabric infused with indian fabric/design and a dash of eurasian fabric/design. Thats our national costume...they call it the "Eurochindianlay". We clearly struggle with who we are. It doesn't help if more folks are moving in too...right?<br /><br /><br />But let's give it time.<br /><br /><br />Given time I just hope they begin to feel more Singaporean. I hope these kids get the best of opportunities and the most enlightened of teachers. Teachers who will like me...proudly proclaim... I am Singaporean first and foremost, chinese second. Even then...I also not sure how much of a Chinese I am. My mum is a straits-born peranankan, my dad is teo chew. I have struggled with the Chinese language all my life. I have no links to China or Taiwan. Not even Malaysia. All my relatives are here. As deep as Singapore is...my roots have sunk deeper. I will remain ever proud of my country as my country is proud of me.<br /><br /><br />I celebrate Singapore for the fact that...<br />...the Churches, Temples and Mosques here can stand side by side without issue.<br />...we have a rich variety of food available. (have you seen the mind boggling array at any big shopping centre in town?)<br />...we can stand shoulder to shoulder and not feel any animosity just because you are different from me.<br />...it's got a DAMN GOOD pledge.<br /><br /><br />I am Singaporean. Stand with me. We can only get better.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-14413862336606792562008-01-07T17:15:00.000+08:002008-01-13T20:23:47.325+08:00So I made this promise...and I'd stand by it.I had dessert with Candy and Sonya the other day.<br /><br />Candy and Sonya are like cream and sugar you put in coffee to take away all the bitterness. They have seen the best of me and the worst of me. And we get along swell.<br /><br />So anyways...something we talked about made me recall a promise I made myself in 2005.<br /><br />In March 2005...just 2 months away from our graduation as teachers. An ex-projectmate of mine committed suicide. I will not speculate on its exact details. There were many factors involved I believed. But the timing was just so wrong. We were in our second practicum, if she had hung on for a month or two longer, she would have graduated and moved on from NIE.<br />Was it stress? She passed away on the day she was due for a class lesson supervision. Was it depression? Apparently she had been under medication for a while now. What it was, we will never know.<br /><br />What I do know...was I felt this utter shock when I heard the news. And then there was this sick creeping sensation in my gut. You start wondering if maybe the signs were there all along. I always knew her as someone with a bubbly and happy personality. A pleasant smile to greet you in the mornings. We won't terribly close...just the one project that one time. But enough to always greet each other with warmth and a smile in the mornings. Enough to know each other's names in the lift and to exchange pleasantries or small talk when we bump into each other. Enough to have each other's numbers saved in our handphones, knowing we might need each other's help someday.<br /><br />I sat alone the day she left and just wished she could have called me.<br /><br />I don't know why I felt that way. I just did.<br /><br />Hope springs eternal for me. Committing suicide...is the end of all hope. It is the deepest isolation of despair. There is no redemption once you are beyond the point of suicide.<br />What makes a person despair so much that she should choose to end a beautiful life?<br />What rages on in the mind or the heart to cause such utter hopelessness?<br /><br />I only wished I could have been there for her. Just to tell her that it is not so bad. That if nobody would believe in her or stand by her...I could and I would. That all is not lost...if we could just think of what we can do tomorrow. That hope...lives...no matter what, no matter where.<br /><br />Perhaps a bumbling fool like me, wouldn't have helped much. But I knew what I felt. If I had the chance to talk to her...I could show her the hope inside of me. I don't harbour hopes that I could have saved her. I just wished I could have done a little more.<br /><br />That night I promised myself that if I ever knew a friend or an acquaintance or just about anyone who was ever in this state of despair. I would be there to stand by him or her. In deed or in word, just call and I will be there.<br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lBU3OGXemAg/R4oChPcYSvI/AAAAAAAAAK0/vqrR8wwXg0E/s1600-h/lily.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154935493583457010" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lBU3OGXemAg/R4oChPcYSvI/AAAAAAAAAK0/vqrR8wwXg0E/s400/lily.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />You didn't have to go this way.<br />Pretty smile no more.<br />What was it you couldn't say?<br />I remembered you.<br />If you only knew,<br />The words I could have told.<br />Not that I could be salvation.<br />Maybe all you needed was balm.<br />Hope springs eternal,<br />You're a lily thats floated on.<br />Perhaps peace is downstream.<br /><br />In remembrance... Rest well.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8761635.post-313152469819356812008-01-06T12:35:00.000+08:002008-01-07T17:11:02.966+08:00"The World is my oyster"...so they say...I read a friend's (Sophia) blog recently. She's doing well...and travelling quite a fair bit since she joined the oil rigging industry. It's really a job I admire since my dad was an oil-rigger and used to fascinate me with all his stories about the many places he has been too. You just have to imagine a little chubby kid hearing about the midnight sun in Alaska or deep sea fishing from the pontoons of an Oil Rig to understand how amazing these little stories were to me.<br /><br />Anyway, fate doesn't play the same hand to sons as to fathers. I didn't take an engineering degree nor did I end up in the navy, which is what I probably would have done if my heart murmur was not an issue with MINDEF.<br /><br />But I must say I still love travelling and experiencing different things. Sophia's compiled a list of places she has been to. So I thought it would be interesting if I spent a few minutes thinking and writing down the places that I have been to. Kinda like a country stocktake. =)<br /><br />Let's see...gotta start from the ones I remember when I was young.<br /><br />Pre 1990s - Genting / Penang / Phuket / Cameron Highlands / Indonesia<br />~ I can't remember much for this period.<br /><br />1993 - Chiang Mai and Bangkok, Thailand<br />~ Paid some distant relatives of mine a visit, together with my family and my grandpa. Unforgettable 10 hour journey in a cramped Mini-van.<br /><br />1995 - Sabah, Outward Bound Sabah and Mount Kinabalu Expedition<br />~ This was a most memorable one. First trip without parents, first overseas hiking adventure. This trip started my love for the outdoors. That quesy feeling in the face of nature, knowing that you are minutely insignificant in the grander scheme of things and yet, also knowing that somehow you are a part of everything unfolding around you, even if you don't know it all.<br /><br />1996 - Didn't travel in the year I had my O-levels. Spent a lot of time studying in the little nooks and crannies at the Changi Airport Terminal 2 Viewing Gallery though. I actually finished the A-maths and Physics Ten Year Series here.<br /><br />1998 - Tasmania / Australia<br />~ Another most memorable one. This was after the A-levels...and before my enlistment. Got a couple of mates together...Kie Hian, Wee Keat, Shang Wei, Mark, Fang Fang and this other lady (OMG...forgot her name!) Flew all the way to Melbourne...and then took the 1-day ferry to Tasmania. Sent 6 days in the bush...Cradle Mountain and Lake St Clair National Park.<br /><br />2000 - Pulau Aur and Dayang / Malaysia<br />~ My diving open water certificate. First time diving out in the open sea. AMAZING adventure.<br /><br />2001 - Mount Ophir / Malaysia<br />~ First time recce-ing and subsequently leading an expedition of at-risk youths. This expedition opened me to the possibility of being a trip leader.<br /><br />2001 - Vietnam-Cambodia-Thailand Overland trip<br />~ This trip was the backpackers dream. I still don't really know how I managed to crammed it all within 22 days. Great company...Wee Keat, Guopei, Wan and Cheryl. Everything just went well together.<br /><br />2001~2005 - Pelepah/Belumut/Panti/Berkelah/Ophir/Titiwangsa/Jerangkang/Kinabalu (Malaysia) / Khao Sok (Thailand) / Hawaii (USA) / Britain / Scotland / Spain<br />~ Did quite a fair bit of hiking and leading of trips in my uni days. Visited my sis in Hawaii. And did a Europe tour as well.<br /><br />2006 - Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam<br />~ Did a vacation with the missus right smack in the middle of the World Cup. I learnt my lesson...never travel during world cup. Hahaha!<br /><br />2007 - Kinabalu / Fukuoka, Japan<br />~ 3rd time up this mountain I have fallen in love with. This time with another amazing bunch. Red, Ronny, Lining and Huiwen.<br />Was sponsored a trip to Japan in Dec 2007 as well. Fabulous country...just immaculate.<br /><br />Ok...dunno what 2008 brings. What ever will be will be.<br />I haven't actually felt like travelling for a long time already. Dun have any dream destinations.<br /><br />AdieuUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0